hoe, i will fucking harpoon you.

"Hi rasberry! It's been 862 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga... won't you support us by going Premium?" 

who gives a fucking rat's ass?

At the moment,  it is 2:36 am and I just hopped out of the shower.  This evening I worked with Arash.  The day was really, really slow so he and I took an advantage of that and worked extra slower than usual.  We shouldn't have done that, I must say.  We had quite a bit to do and ended up going home a little before 1. 

It has been a while since my return from Korea.  I 'vacationed' for three agonizing months.  It was sooooo .. soooo bad.   I left home on June 4th and reached my destination the next day (time zone).  First two weeks were fine.  Then it went downhill from there.   After a month of stay, I was agitated and really impatient for my departing day to come.  The week after, I began to accept my dreadful condition and lived with it.  Days went by soooo slowly... it was really killing me.  Finally, August turned up and it was the last month for me.  I even drew up a lil count down and circled each number, day after day.  It was sooo.. bad... it felt like I was being teased.  The last 3 days were the worst of all.  I couldn't sleep on the last day -- I was too excited. 

What I did in Korea was not fun.

no fun no fun no fun no fun no fun no fun

I met my cousin again, the 39 nine-year-old twin.  She was nice at first, but slowly, she inadvertently showed her true color (mean green).  She allowed me to use her laptop whenever I wanted to use it.  However, I never used it without her permission anyway.  The week after, she put a password on it.  @_@ so I asked for the password and she paused for a bit before she answered the question with the password.  Two days later, she changed it -- again!! double you tee eff.  I couldn't understand why.  I asked her why she put a password up now.  Her reply was "because I didn't want you to use it! ..... haha..hah.. it's just that kids might come over and I don't want them to use it..... "  No kids ever come over.  I've been there for 3 months and I can confidently say that no kids or whatsoever came over and asked to use the computer.  Even the little 7-8 year old nephew didn't ask to use her computer.  I hate that nephew.  I really hate him.  One time, we went to the mall (the whole family) and out of nowhere, the fucking nephew ran up to me and put his hands up my skirt to touch my *!! and he SMILED and GIGGLED about it too!!  My skirt has a built-in shorts (thank fucking goodness). I have never felt so violated before.  It was such a disturbing feeling.  It was so bad that I almost cried.  I slapped his fucking perverted hands away as he continued to giggle and giggle his perverted giggle.  We then went down the escalators and he was ahead of me first (about 5 steps downwards?) Because of the declination, my nephew was trying to see what was under my skirt.  Since he couldn't see anything, he tried to get lower by lowering and lowering his head to fulfill his perverted need to see just what was under that skirt (too bad it was a pair of shorts, you little fucker).  The way he tried to look under my skirt was the freaky part.  It didn't look like it was out of curiosity, but a desire to look at it to fulfill his need.  He was so tranced out...  Man .. like I said to a friend of mine, I wish I could slap the pervert out of him.  The last time I saw him, he was squeezing his mom's breasts, publicly embarrassing her!  He really liked to squeeze them.  It was so .. fucking.. weird.  You don't see that kind of shit in Vancouver.  This year, he had this tendency to rub his mom's ears.  That was so, fucking, weird... We were all just eating dinner and all of a sudden, he's behind his mom rubbing her ears and as he rubbed it, he was lost in a haze.  He looked sooo hypnotic... so zoned out when he was doing that shit.  It was soo... too weird.  He's so greedy, too.  Too greedy.  I understand that kids are greedy at times.  But this kid is super greedy about food!!  He CRIES over it!  He gets ticked off if someone else touches the crackers if he's trying to save it for later (for himself, of course).  And yes, he's got a huge belly. I mean a huge one!  Man..  the kid's a fucking creep.  And my 39 year-old cousin, the aunt of the creepy nephew, is so mean to him, too.  One time, her little light saber thing broke for a bit (she wacked it around and it worked again). She knew that the nephew wanted it and she knew that the nephew's mom, the older twin sister, went to go buy the light saber shit for him too.  Soooo... my cousin (the aunt of the creep) started dancing around with the saber thing, practically rubbing it in his face that she has one and he doesn't.  Of course, the kid was upset but he knew that his mom was on her way getting one for him as well.  And the cousin, too, knew that.  Soooo, she pretended to be the 'great aunt' that she was and slipped the neck strap over his head so he can play with the saber.  Basically, she did that so she can have the new one (because hers was broken).  She's so sneaky... and cruel. 

My aunt.. I love her... but sometimes I fear her.  One day, she dug something out of the refridgerator and set it on the table for us to eat.  However, she didn't touch it.  It was this seasoned tuna that I used to eat when I last visited her.  When I tasted it, it was very sour.  It was old and spoiled.  She told me to eat it out with a spoon.  I nodded but never enacted that command.  After we ate the other foods, she did the dishes.  And to my surprise, she threw away the tuna without even touching it herself when there were lot's of chunks left! I was so... shocked... she was going to use me as a food disposal!  And my mom told her to not to feed me too much or else I would come back home as a fatty.  Unfortunately, she refused to do that and fed me portions of more than what I usually ate back at home.  Whenever I asked if I could dump some rice back into the pot, she gave me glares and commanded me to finish it at all at once.  By the time I got back home, I was too scared to check the scale... I didn't want to know until a week AFTER my arrival so I could go back to my own diet (and diet, as in my eating habits, you dumbasses.  It does not mean starving oneself to death for the sake of their appearance -- idiots.)  The last time I checked the scale in Korea, was 5 days before the departuring date and I weighed a big whopping one hundred and twenty fucking five pounds.  I even told my aunt that gaining weight is really bad for my back, and how depressed I get, due to the pack of disgusting fat.  It's not a nice feeling to be so unhealthy.  She told me to just get fat likeher.  She used to be skinny herself but now she's quite a big lady.  It seemed as though she wanted to drag me down with her ... coming to that conclusion was so disappointing.  And by the way, she was not joking about it either. 

Korea was horrible.  very horrible.  I wish I had stayed at home and enjoy the summer with friends.  MY friends. 

I'm glad I was able to meet the family again.  Another good thing happened in Korea -- I met my uncle and his son Danny for the first time in 7-8 years!  They live in Toronto, and by chance, we met in Korea =D  Danny grew up a lot.  I wasn't able to recognize the two.  During their stay, we met twice.  On the last meeting at a family member's birthday dinner, my uncle asked me what I wanted to do in the future, what kind of job I wanted to pursue.  I answered, and he asked, "Do you know what you should do first?"  I thought he was going to give me a really good advice, but he said "you should go get a tan.  You're too white.  It looks bad."  I protested that I've tried to tan in the past but I was 'un-tannable.'  Man... after 8 years of not seeing each other, this is what he had to say to me?  After that, he said "We probably won't meet again."   Yay.  He's my mom's younger brother and I am thankful that she is NOTHING like him. 

I think the worst part of the shitty trip was that I gained 15 pounds.  Thankfully, I was able to shed more than 15 pounds after my return.  I am never going to Korea alone again.  NEVER!

Experiences like these make me hate beautiful Korea.

I found this on someone's page (sorry, I don't give credits for those who compile other people's work and use it as their own -- poohaha)

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled
with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.
"There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

:D:D:D:D:D:D

A little boy was doing his math homework.

He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.

:D:D:D:D:D:D

"Daddy? How did I come into this world?"

"Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you any way.

"So why not today? Please!"

"OK, but listen carefully.

Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe.

In the restrooms of that cyber cafe, dad connected to mom.

Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick.

When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall.

Since it was too late to cancel or delete,

nine months later we ended up with a virus."

:D:D:D:D:D

A Foreign girl walks into a combini and buys the following:

1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 peach
1 plum
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 cabbage
1 potato
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 box of cereal
1 frozen dinner
1 single frozen pizza

The Pakistani checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says "single, huh?"

The girl smile sheepishly and replies, "How did you guess?"

He says, "cause you're ugly".

:D:D:D:D:D:D

A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.

The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!"

"Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."

:D:D:D:D:D:D

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, "I must have you right now! I'll drop $500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!"

The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."

An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked.

The lady said "That jerk had $500 in quarters!"

:D:D:D:D:D

Last Child Support Check

Today is my daughter's 18th birthday.......As a daddy, I'm so glad that this is my last child support payment. Month after month, year after year, those payments!

So I called my baby girl, Lakita, to come over to my house, and when she got there, I said to her, "Baby girl, I want you to take this last
check over to your mother's house and tell her that this is the last check she's ever going to get from me, and then I want you to come back and tell me the expression that's on her face."

So my baby girl took the check and left. I was really anxious to hear what she had to say and what she looked like. I had waited years for this!

As my baby girl walked through the door, I said, almost giddy with anticipation, "Now what did she have to say?"

"She told me to tell you that you ain't my daddy...and watch the expression on your face."

:D:D:D:D:D:D

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident. I reattached them, and 8 months later he perfomed a private concert for the Queen of England." One of the others said, "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident. I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events at the olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago, a cowboy, who was high on cocaine and alcohol, rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now, he's president of the United States."